Someone who I thought was my friend, my best friend, betrayed me and everyone he ever knew. For almost the same amont of time I've known him, he has had an infection of sin so great, that he was willing to do something of dispicable evil inorder to satisfy himself. He did something that people get killed by inmates in prisons for doing it. Something so evil that even Evil will shake at it's mention.
This ex-friend of mine is slave to sin. He is controlled by his sin, because that is what he does (John 8:34), sin. He is not a beleiver, and therefore only knows sin.
I have been seriously scarred by him. Traumatized, even. It has gotten very hard for me to trust any of my guy friends anymore. I won't let them near my brother, or my sister because of what happened. Heck, why should I let anyone near them? I am in so much pain, that I will cry for hours on end every once in a while. I hate him more than I hate anything becaus eof what he has done, and I just can't stop feeling angry at him. All but one night I have dreamed about killing him. It took me until last night to realize why I was not healing all the way. I feel guilty.
I feel guilty, I let him into my home and into my heart. I let him be a member of the family, and let him spend time with my family and sister's without me because I felt that he needed a stronger family in his life. I was willing to give him anything, including my family, if it ment him receiving mercy from the Lord in anyway.
Did I know that he was going to turn out to be a monster who ignores his sense of right and wrong entirely? I did. I knew that he would do whatever it took to get what he wanted. He didn't care about anyone but himself. Did I know that he was sexually perverted? I knew that he looked at pornography- but I didn't know that he was so far down the path of perversion. I just cleansed my computer of all his 'dealings'. I prayed and took a peak, it was not pretty. He was into animals and homosexual pornography. I did not find any traces of pedifilia.
Did I know that he was a child molester? No.
I need to forgive myself, it wasn't my fault...
Or was it? 2nd Corinthians 6:14 says not to be unequally yoked. And if I was ever yoked with anyone, it was Him.
Either way, something bad has happened. And when something bad happens, that is when God is truely working. I just read the story of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. In short: God dies, but overcomes death to overcome sin for all man kind. The worst possible thing, conceptually at least, happens, and out of it comes the greatest good that has ever happened to mankind. In order to make a sword, you must first melt the ore. In order to mend a heart, it must first be broken. I have a feeling that God will rebuild my life with the broken pieces of something that he just did not want.
On top of moving, the trouble I've had with my family, going 'back to school', and this most recent tragedy, I can still feel hopeful. Like the psalmist says, "Surely! Goodness and Mercy will follow me, all the days of my life." Psalms 23:6.
This ex-friend of mine is slave to sin. He is controlled by his sin, because that is what he does (John 8:34), sin. He is not a beleiver, and therefore only knows sin.
I have been seriously scarred by him. Traumatized, even. It has gotten very hard for me to trust any of my guy friends anymore. I won't let them near my brother, or my sister because of what happened. Heck, why should I let anyone near them? I am in so much pain, that I will cry for hours on end every once in a while. I hate him more than I hate anything becaus eof what he has done, and I just can't stop feeling angry at him. All but one night I have dreamed about killing him. It took me until last night to realize why I was not healing all the way. I feel guilty.
I feel guilty, I let him into my home and into my heart. I let him be a member of the family, and let him spend time with my family and sister's without me because I felt that he needed a stronger family in his life. I was willing to give him anything, including my family, if it ment him receiving mercy from the Lord in anyway.
Did I know that he was going to turn out to be a monster who ignores his sense of right and wrong entirely? I did. I knew that he would do whatever it took to get what he wanted. He didn't care about anyone but himself. Did I know that he was sexually perverted? I knew that he looked at pornography- but I didn't know that he was so far down the path of perversion. I just cleansed my computer of all his 'dealings'. I prayed and took a peak, it was not pretty. He was into animals and homosexual pornography. I did not find any traces of pedifilia.
Did I know that he was a child molester? No.
I need to forgive myself, it wasn't my fault...
Or was it? 2nd Corinthians 6:14 says not to be unequally yoked. And if I was ever yoked with anyone, it was Him.
Either way, something bad has happened. And when something bad happens, that is when God is truely working. I just read the story of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. In short: God dies, but overcomes death to overcome sin for all man kind. The worst possible thing, conceptually at least, happens, and out of it comes the greatest good that has ever happened to mankind. In order to make a sword, you must first melt the ore. In order to mend a heart, it must first be broken. I have a feeling that God will rebuild my life with the broken pieces of something that he just did not want.
On top of moving, the trouble I've had with my family, going 'back to school', and this most recent tragedy, I can still feel hopeful. Like the psalmist says, "Surely! Goodness and Mercy will follow me, all the days of my life." Psalms 23:6.
posted by Drew at 4:45 PM
1 Comments:
Drew,
Thanks for being open and honest. I can tell that you have been deeply hurt, but it is great to know we still have hope in Christ! He will never betray us, but will bring us to be with Him. Keep it real and keep up the rebirth of your blog!
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