What a week.
My parents have both gone AWOL, to work and be with my sister as much as possible. MY mom has not been home since Monday, and it's been my job to make sure everything is run smoothly around here. My grandma and sister are a big help.
But I'm not. I'm a depressed, foolish, angry mess. I feel like snapping. Like I want to snap, and just go and explode. I want to find someone that I dislike and just beat the living daylights out of them. No one in particular, though I have a few prefrences, but... that wouldn't be a wise choice.
On Wednesday morning, at 3am, I woke up in a cold sweat. I saw my pile of laundry infront of me. However, I didn't think it was laundry. I had just woken up from a dream that was indescribably horrific. It was vivid, scary, intense, and very realistic, like all of my dreams. Normally, they don't bother me, mosttimes they are ironic and funny (though not lately). This one was very different. Even more different than the dreams I have been having nightly for the past 112 days, which have all been about finding myself in a possistion where Avery and I met, and after perhaps a word or two is spoken I kill him using utmost violence and force. He most of time wil become a limp doll with which I can do whatever I feel like at the time. I've found some rather practical ways to kill someone. Each time it is like this he screams and begs for mercy. I never listen to what he says... Sometimes, rarely, he'll fight back. Thats when things get very scary and awful. I wake up in the middle of the night everytime, and I cannot force myself back to sleep.
You can see my new dream. It's on my myspace as #6 in my blog.
My sister's operation was a success, by the way.
My parents have both gone AWOL, to work and be with my sister as much as possible. MY mom has not been home since Monday, and it's been my job to make sure everything is run smoothly around here. My grandma and sister are a big help.
But I'm not. I'm a depressed, foolish, angry mess. I feel like snapping. Like I want to snap, and just go and explode. I want to find someone that I dislike and just beat the living daylights out of them. No one in particular, though I have a few prefrences, but... that wouldn't be a wise choice.
On Wednesday morning, at 3am, I woke up in a cold sweat. I saw my pile of laundry infront of me. However, I didn't think it was laundry. I had just woken up from a dream that was indescribably horrific. It was vivid, scary, intense, and very realistic, like all of my dreams. Normally, they don't bother me, mosttimes they are ironic and funny (though not lately). This one was very different. Even more different than the dreams I have been having nightly for the past 112 days, which have all been about finding myself in a possistion where Avery and I met, and after perhaps a word or two is spoken I kill him using utmost violence and force. He most of time wil become a limp doll with which I can do whatever I feel like at the time. I've found some rather practical ways to kill someone. Each time it is like this he screams and begs for mercy. I never listen to what he says... Sometimes, rarely, he'll fight back. Thats when things get very scary and awful. I wake up in the middle of the night everytime, and I cannot force myself back to sleep.
You can see my new dream. It's on my myspace as #6 in my blog.
My sister's operation was a success, by the way.
posted by Drew at 1:39 PM
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