Wow...

Over the past few months I have been really down.

I mean, I really went through a lot these past summer, but a lot of it was good. I found how hard it is to really live for Jesus in the hard times. There were times when I just didn't want to get up and serve. I felt to broken and pathetic to serve. I felt like sleeping in on Sunday mornings many times... like I was so spiritually broken. My joy completely sucked away. But that is why I got out of bed. God wants better than that for me. He wants me to look to him for my fulfillment. Thats why I kept on trying, I had nothing else to do. God was doing everything I needed, I beleive that. I know that God was stretching me and molding me, making me a better person throught this experirance, which is why I didn't go with my instincts and just quit. God is at the end of the rope- the shoelace, if you will. He makes the whole thing work, I need to have faith, even in the hardest parts.

I listened to this song about 6 zillgillion times. It means a lot to me right now, he's why:

Precious and fragile things - Friendships with non-beleivers
Need special handling
My God what have we done to you
We always tried to share - I tried to do something I couldn't and did it as carefully as possible
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put you through - it's all my fault

Things get damaged- I should have expected this
Things get broken - I even knew it would happen, but I had hoped it would have hurt me instead
I thought we'd manage - I could have taken it, but when you did it to someone else I couldn't
But words left unspoken - maybe if you came for help it it would have been okay.
Left us so brittle - I have no friendship for you anymore
There was so little left to give - I can't give you anything more

Angels with silver wings - little girls
Shouldn't know suffering - should go through that
I wish I could take the pain for you - I feel the pain that you have. I feel the pain that my sister will feel. I wish it was mine alone.
If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's your eyes He's seeing through - I don't want you to perish in the fire. That is why I was your friend. I wanted you to know the true goodness of God. I hope that that is God's plan for you.

Things get damaged - I thought it would still work
Things get broken - that this was an everyday occurance.
I thought we'd manage - We could still be friends, but
But words left unspoken - my heart said otherwise
Left us so brittle- there was no way
There was so little left to give - I could ever talk to you again

I pray you learn to trust - I want you to repent
Have faith in both of us- don't hate me
And keep room in your hearts for two - accept Jesus or you will die

Things get damaged - I am really shook up
Things get broken - My heart is broken
I thought we'd manage - I try to move on
But words left unspoken - but I have no closure
Left us so brittle - I am so weak
There was so little left to give - I can't give anymore