LoL!
I got into the computer lab today (where I am right now) and saw that Geoff's name was on the sign up list and I missed him by like 5 minutes not even! lol
And according to the scantron machine computers, the History 17a average was 48% (luckily a curved class because of how hard it is) so I think I got an A! Yay! History is my second best subject (or was homeschooling).
Anyway, as I sit here (with no astronomy class lol, I thought I would have one today) with two whole hours to waste before operation ISNL (for those of you who dunno, guess) and after that 'on your own' with Ty Sager at 6, I figured that now would be a good time to... reflect a little.
It seems like everytime I try to heal... I don't. God has a bigger plan for me, and I just have to have faith that I will be completed somehow through all of this... but dang, I feel like crud sometimes. It'll just seem like there's no hope, just pain in my life. It will seem like there's no hope, no tomorrow and no point. Like I should just stop trying and give up. I know, intellectually and spiritually, that that isn't true in the slightest. There is and will always be room for improvement and improvement unless you are dead/perishing, which I know I'm not because I have faith in Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit working in my soul. But... it's not how I feel all the time, and maybe thats not how anyone feels all the time.
On the missions trip this year, I had never felt closer to God at somepoints. When i was talking with that one kid.. I forget his name, but when he accepted christ, i felt like nothing could tare me away from God- or even that that was how I'd feel forever. And lo, I have learned recently it's not about 'feelings' or anything like that. It is really about faith and grace.
God uses the scriptures on me a lot. When I read it there are just some princepals that stick like glue. But, God uses everyday logic to help me move forward- and sometimes, everyday illogic. On monday, I was not getting out of bed. I was feeling misrable. My allergies had attacked me in the night, and my concionce was riddled with regret and what would basically consitute 'false guilt'. I laid there with my arms around my tiger.. just crying. I couldn't take it anymore. There wasn't way I could bare to do anything other than wallow in my selfish guilt. It was 7:50, and I had 70 minutes to get to class. I had been laying there for hours, because the washing machine for some unknown reason to me was going PSYCHO at 530! Somehow though, without even realizing it, I moved. I don't remeber getting up, getting dressed and brushing my teeth, but somehow I was in the kitchen, anf the time was 7:55. I was still feeling misrable, but... the lack of explaination got me curious as to how I got there. For many minutes I pondered, but I had to get in the car with my mom. I don't remember asking her for a ride, and I don't remember remembering at the time, all I remember was not remembering remembering. I got to school and managed to plow through the day, and seeing William and Stephanie G in my Astronomy class lightened my day significantly.
The thing I got out of this, thanks to my... shall we say, "unique" train of thought was that Life doesn't stop for your feelings, and God's feelingare always there. Nothing stops God's work, and I can't even stop because apperently, I can't even control getting ready for school. What makes me think I can control the outcome of my life or situation? Nothing but some deep dark nature that is inherint in my upbringing and sinful genetics. If I am going to heal or whatever, it isn't in my control, it's in God's, and that why I must have faith. Even if it is monday morning.
I got into the computer lab today (where I am right now) and saw that Geoff's name was on the sign up list and I missed him by like 5 minutes not even! lol
And according to the scantron machine computers, the History 17a average was 48% (luckily a curved class because of how hard it is) so I think I got an A! Yay! History is my second best subject (or was homeschooling).
Anyway, as I sit here (with no astronomy class lol, I thought I would have one today) with two whole hours to waste before operation ISNL (for those of you who dunno, guess) and after that 'on your own' with Ty Sager at 6, I figured that now would be a good time to... reflect a little.
It seems like everytime I try to heal... I don't. God has a bigger plan for me, and I just have to have faith that I will be completed somehow through all of this... but dang, I feel like crud sometimes. It'll just seem like there's no hope, just pain in my life. It will seem like there's no hope, no tomorrow and no point. Like I should just stop trying and give up. I know, intellectually and spiritually, that that isn't true in the slightest. There is and will always be room for improvement and improvement unless you are dead/perishing, which I know I'm not because I have faith in Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit working in my soul. But... it's not how I feel all the time, and maybe thats not how anyone feels all the time.
On the missions trip this year, I had never felt closer to God at somepoints. When i was talking with that one kid.. I forget his name, but when he accepted christ, i felt like nothing could tare me away from God- or even that that was how I'd feel forever. And lo, I have learned recently it's not about 'feelings' or anything like that. It is really about faith and grace.
God uses the scriptures on me a lot. When I read it there are just some princepals that stick like glue. But, God uses everyday logic to help me move forward- and sometimes, everyday illogic. On monday, I was not getting out of bed. I was feeling misrable. My allergies had attacked me in the night, and my concionce was riddled with regret and what would basically consitute 'false guilt'. I laid there with my arms around my tiger.. just crying. I couldn't take it anymore. There wasn't way I could bare to do anything other than wallow in my selfish guilt. It was 7:50, and I had 70 minutes to get to class. I had been laying there for hours, because the washing machine for some unknown reason to me was going PSYCHO at 530! Somehow though, without even realizing it, I moved. I don't remeber getting up, getting dressed and brushing my teeth, but somehow I was in the kitchen, anf the time was 7:55. I was still feeling misrable, but... the lack of explaination got me curious as to how I got there. For many minutes I pondered, but I had to get in the car with my mom. I don't remember asking her for a ride, and I don't remember remembering at the time, all I remember was not remembering remembering. I got to school and managed to plow through the day, and seeing William and Stephanie G in my Astronomy class lightened my day significantly.
The thing I got out of this, thanks to my... shall we say, "unique" train of thought was that Life doesn't stop for your feelings, and God's feelingare always there. Nothing stops God's work, and I can't even stop because apperently, I can't even control getting ready for school. What makes me think I can control the outcome of my life or situation? Nothing but some deep dark nature that is inherint in my upbringing and sinful genetics. If I am going to heal or whatever, it isn't in my control, it's in God's, and that why I must have faith. Even if it is monday morning.
posted by Drew at 12:15 PM
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