“Fuck!” I said aloud. I had just slipped in a puddle of my own waste on my dirty prison cell floor. I hated this god forsaken country. My knee was bleeding from the fall. I curled in on the cold wet stone floor, clutching my bashed knee.
“You are need to leave now,” said a guard in a heavy and throaty accent. He stood opposite to me, on the other side of the cold rusty bars which I laid curled behind. He stood in uniform, like all of the police and guards in this country he was a military officer. There was really no other way to live here, unless you were a farmer with slaves. His name was Than, tall and skinny, jet black hair. We had had many good conversations while I had been in here. His AK47 was brandished and his scimitar swung on his belt. I could barely see him in the dark and humid hallway. I stood up and said “You’re just going to let me go, eh?” The judge in town, whose daughter and son I had killed, had guaranteed I would be here until they did their cleaning.
“You have to leave. Today is cleaning day…”
Cleaning days, according to Than, were when they filled the prison with mustard gas so they could demolish the prison. The locals probably didn’t want to pay for our prolonged stay anymore. It was much faster then just killing and burying each of us I guess.
“Well that’s a nice gesture, but I’d rather be with my Lord then spend my days being hunted by your type…” I sat down. I was ready to die. I didn’t want to evade it any longer. The things that I had seen, the things I had done… it was enough for anyone to want to die. No one on this earth could forgive me, and the months that I had been here was just God letting me know what a hell he was sparing me from. It had made me more aware of my paradise.
“There is car outside waiting for you. Go.” Than unlocked my cell door, other prisoners started screaming and banging their cups, plates and chains against the bars.
“Than, what are you doing, you’re going to cause a riot!”
The guard turned quickly as a copper cup was thrown at his head. He cocked his gun and pulled the trigger, firing rapidly down the hallway. The crowd of prisoners became more violent and louder, throwing more items as well as bags of their own shit.
“Come on David! There is a uniform you can wear, just get up!”
I stood up and ran with Than around the corner. My cell neighbor nailed me with a bag of rather wet contents in the face. Than led me to a room with small alcoves and a few chairs. He reached into one of the alcoves and tossed me a uniform.
“Why are you doing this? You’re going to get killed you know.”
“You saved me David, and now I am saving you!”
“Than- Jesus saved you goddamnit”
“Then I am returning the favor to God.”
”You’ll probably get killed for talking like that too”
“We have to hurry” I dressed in the uniform, I didn’t have any boots like the other guards, but the hat and shit covered my face just fine. Than also found me an old rifle and a rusty sword, but I didn’t use either one on our way out of the prison. Than told the other guards that I was going to get the mustard gases for the ‘cleaning’ they had planned. Without really processing all of the information, I got into the car. It was a brown and dirty pickup truck, with the steering wheel on the wrong side and no obvious signs of a gear shifter. The driver was short and darker in complexion then any other military I had seen. Perhaps he was also in disguise. Than did not say goodbye, and probably ran into the prison as soon as he could have. But it didn’t matter. My faux-military escort and I had already left the prison gates before I really thought about anything… my mind was in the past…
I woke up and my phone was ringing. I answered it. “Hello?” my mouth was hard to open, my jaw was soar and my mouth was a little dry.
“Hey, are you going to meet with me today at 4?”
“Hey, you know I’ll be there.” I hung up the phone. Clare woke up. She was lying on top of me and my movement took her out of her sleep.
“Hey sweet heart…” She moved herself up across my body and gave me a big open mouth kiss. Both of us had a bad case of “morning mouth,” but we didn’t care. I rolled over so that I was on top. The Sun shined threw the curtains on to her beautiful smiling face. Her button nose and rosy cheeks, her blue and swirling eyes… it was a moment that could not be ruined by anything… not even a phone call from a pastor. I leaned into my lovers embrace and kissed her again. Her perfect breasts pushed up against my chest.
My brother knocked on the door and said “Hey, mom wants me to get your clothes from the bathroom so she can wash them...”
Clare smiled and whispered, “Lets not answer.” She pushed me gently off of her, and rolled off the bed, “let’s hide down here.” She said as my brother knocked again. I heard his keys jingling. I moved to the floor with Clare and we started kissing. Our naked bodies embraced one another’s, even as my brother took my laundry from my bathroom, ignorant of our presence behind my bed; we kissed and groped whispering sweet nothings into each others ears. I loved her more then anything. More then even the fiery and passionate love we shared secretly in my room. She had saved me from myself, from my drugs and from my sin so many years ago. She had gone with me to my meetings whenever she could and she could not have done more to show that she loved me. Daily I wondered if it was a dream.
I lived in the studio apartment above my parent’s house. My probation officer didn’t want me out on my own yet, and neither did the judge. Ironically, it was the place I had first taken a hit. It felt like nothing then, only like a casual thing I would do with my friends. Before I knew it I was long gone in my memories. “What are you thinking about?” Clare said. We had been holding each other tightly under the covers.
“What else could I think about?” I said aloud. Again that morning we made love. We got up and dressed around lunch time. Both of us were sweaty and immersed in our body’s smells as we drank our coffee in my mother’s kitchen.
“Do you want to take a shower?” I asked smiling. “Or do you want to share the tub?”
“David, I have to go to work in an hour…”
“On the Sabbath? How, um, dare ye!”
“Shut up. Besides, this place will be empty tonight” She winked. “And you’re meeting with my father at 4 aren’t you?”
It had completely dropped my mind. I told her of course I had remembered. We cleaned off and went about the rest of our day, and I went to my meeting with Pastor Garrison.
Garrison was a kind man who had seen many hopes for our community come about. His ministry to stop the spread of drug addiction had nearly united the city, and his supposed humility had united our church. I didn’t really like him that much. I thought he was ego centric and a liar. His only reason to be my friend with me was to keep Clare and I from marrying. He only wanted control.
“Ah David I was so glad you called to continue our meetings. I trust things with my daughter and you are going well?” He looked at me with accusing eyes, and a fake smile on his face. A sense of guilt struck me, but I shook it from my system. Her father wouldn’t let us get married until I was off probation, 3 years from now. I had known Clare for 5 and we had been together for 4, since I was 19, about the first time I tried cleaning up my act. “Things are well with us,” I said calmly. “And I’ve been sober for 500 days next week.”
“I didn’t ask you about that, David, though I’m very proud of you. I will let you marry Clare if you keep this up, but I want to make sure you won’t screw up again. Its hard to be sure with you sometimes.”
I got really angry, there sat a man who had no idea what I had gone through, judging me like a piece of meat for the over priced dinner he forced his wife to cook. I stood up.
“Please sir, why make us wait? We are in love and you make it seem like we aren’t unless I jump through your silly hoops! This is fucking stupid. I come here every month to hear you judge me? No wonder I asked to stop these “brain washing” sessions.”
“David, I am only doing this out of love for you and my daughter. Why do you get so angry with my choices?”
“I don’t see why we even need your approval. What’s stopping us from just getting married without your approval? We’re adults. We’re in love. Your decisions shouldn’t affect my life this way.”
“David, I worry for you. If you marry without my approval, what makes you think you have God’s approval? I am simply using my authority to decide what is best. If you don’t acknowledge my authority over you, you will simply anger our Lord. ”
“Luke Chapter 22, verse 24 through 30. We shouldn’t care about who’s the greatest or who has the authority or whatever; we should just serve each other.”
“That verse doesn’t mean that, David. It means we should argue over who’s in charge of what.”
“This is bogus. Would you let me marry her if I spoke for your ministry? Your little brainwashing festival? With those little hats? Fuck you.”
I walked to the office door. As I reached for the handle Garrison said “If you leave, I’ll never approve of my daughter seeing you again. You’re not welcome here any longer!”
I kept going. I was done. I pulled out my cell phone and called my probation officer, Rob. “Hey Rob. I’m thinking of moving.” I explained to him my dilemma as I drove home, to an empty house. Clare was going to be there in a few hours.
“Well Dave, I dunno if we can get approval. I’m all for it. If you can secure a job by the hearing that’ll help a lot. I gotta go now though. Happy 500, by the way.” Rob hung up. I got out of my car and opened the door to my house. My little brother had left a note on the front saying dad had called. I didn’t even want to think about that. I ordered some Pizza, and called Clare. She was on her way. I couldn’t wait to tell her we could get out of there. Fucking drama. As I was waiting I looked in the reflection of the sliding glass door. My hair had gotten pretty long, it almost came down to my shoulders now... I would never cut it... I would never forget if I never cut it. I could see the brightness of my green eyes reflected… it was hard to look in the mirror sometimes. I didn’t like the way I looked. I heard Clare pull up in front. I knew it was her, she was pretty much the only person in town that listened to “punk.”
I couldn’t believe that I was finally 21. My best friend Haydn and Clare and I were all going to go to my dad’s place to get totally wasted. Not that I had never had alcohol, I had even gotten drunk a few times, but since I had gone clean the year before, my mother and father hadn’t even let me walk down the wine aisle at Safeway, or go to the pharmacy alone. But now all of that was over. They trusted me. I trusted me. I wanted to have a good time more then anything really. Not that I didn’t like booze or anything… that wasn’t why I was happy.
Clare came by, blaring some crazy loud ultra-repetitive crap in her old trans-am. I hopped into her car and saw that she was crawling into the small back seat. “Would you move the seat forward hun?” I moved her seat forward and squeezed into the back with her. I accidentally grabbed her butt as I pushed myself off of her. She giggled.
“Why are we back here?” She winked at me as I asked. She leaned over onto me and began kissing my neck. I felt as though I hadn’t seen her in ages, though it had only been four days since we last saw each other. We made out for about twenty minutes, though it didn’t feel like much at the time. Haydn called my cell a few times while we were kissing, I didn’t answer.
My driver was Chinese, and didn’t speak any English. He handed me a note, which I crumpled up and put in my front pocket. The uniform I was wearing was uncomfortable and far too large. After a few minutes of driving down the hill, I heard a loud blast from behind. I turned my head and saw the prison leaking a clear, white gas. I thought that mustard gas would have been yellow... or brown with even browner dots.
posted by Drew at 12:05 AM
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