School Choices:

1st choice: Baylor
2nd: USC
3rd: UCSC
4th: Oberlin (location issues)
5th: Curtis (academic issues)

I'd Need:
1st: 3.5 GPA needed, not too many classes, auditions, good letters.
2nd: 3.5 GPA needed, a lot of classes, auditions, good letters.
3rd: 2.4 needed (lol), medium classes, auditions, good letters.
4th: 2.8 needed, medium class load, audiotion-auditions-auditions, good letters.
5th: Auditions Auditions Auditions

It's a girl,

It's very very large,

It's alive,

I'ts its first birthday,

It's my new baby cousin! yay!

Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

For obvious reasons, I have seriously doubted the importance of friendships in my life for the past 5 months. I have either ignored, abused or vilolated every single friendship I have ever had because of this additude, if not outwardly then in my own mind. I have felt like each friend and relationship is a burden; even the ones that are extremely important to me, the ones that help me grow and learn, and the ones that put me straight. This is not appropriate, healthy or spiritual. I owe everyone I know an appology, and if I have offended or hurt anyone in this hard, painful and bumpy recovery- I am 100% sorry and repentful. I realize how much charisma and influence I command, and it's hard for me to control the negative effects I've had on other people.

Thanks you guys,
-Love,
Drew

Pray for my friend Valerie.

She was kidnapped 4 days ago.

The police are on her trail.

Last night sucked.

On wednesday, I didn't bring enough money for the light rail, just the buses, but The Rail was supposed to still be free. I fell asleep on the rail, and was out cold for about an hour. No one checked for a ticket, so assumed it was still free, like I had thought before.

I have to get up at 6am, get ready, and run to the train at 7 to get on at 730 to get to a class at 10. I absolutley hate it. Its the worst! but it's the only way on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays.

On the way home, I tried calling my mom because I didn't have enought money for the bus to the train. No one answered. So I got on the bus anyway, because Joseph was driving and he loves me! lol. My worries were over. I had no more money woes, I just had to get home which was easy.
Around the last stop in Santa Clara, I got 'cited'. They were asking for tickets! When did this start happening? It was free that morning!

I got pulled off, given a sitation (sp?) and got back on. I was 30 minutes later than normal. It's 6 hours of commute for like less then 4 hours of lectures. It's 12 hours where I can't do all my homework- so most of it is wasted! Screw that. I was so mad, when I got home I told my mom about it and it was like she didn't even care. I just kept on getting angrier, and I started yelling. She just left. She didn't even want to hear me out. She called my dad, and my dad called home- and then he started argueing with me. I even think that if he had been there, I would have hurt him physically- he was losing it, and I was losing it. I was really angry! Next thing I know, he's blaming me for things that aren't my fault, and telling me that he's calling the police! He got my so riled up, I started figuring out a way to leave and sleep somewhere else that night, but eventually I had to go~ What the heck is going on? about 10 minutes later he called and appologized... everything is okay- and I'm sorry if I scared you babe, I was panicing! I thought I was going to spend the night in jail for yelling (wat the heck?).

Tempers can get so high around here, even now adays, when things are relitively peaceful, we all get so heated up it completely makes no sense. People will say whatever they have to too just be right! Gosh. I guess thats one advantage of staying humble- which is why I reccomend it to yall!

LoL!
I got into the computer lab today (where I am right now) and saw that Geoff's name was on the sign up list and I missed him by like 5 minutes not even! lol

And according to the scantron machine computers, the History 17a average was 48% (luckily a curved class because of how hard it is) so I think I got an A! Yay! History is my second best subject (or was homeschooling).

Anyway, as I sit here (with no astronomy class lol, I thought I would have one today) with two whole hours to waste before operation ISNL (for those of you who dunno, guess) and after that 'on your own' with Ty Sager at 6, I figured that now would be a good time to... reflect a little.

It seems like everytime I try to heal... I don't. God has a bigger plan for me, and I just have to have faith that I will be completed somehow through all of this... but dang, I feel like crud sometimes. It'll just seem like there's no hope, just pain in my life. It will seem like there's no hope, no tomorrow and no point. Like I should just stop trying and give up. I know, intellectually and spiritually, that that isn't true in the slightest. There is and will always be room for improvement and improvement unless you are dead/perishing, which I know I'm not because I have faith in Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit working in my soul. But... it's not how I feel all the time, and maybe thats not how anyone feels all the time.

On the missions trip this year, I had never felt closer to God at somepoints. When i was talking with that one kid.. I forget his name, but when he accepted christ, i felt like nothing could tare me away from God- or even that that was how I'd feel forever. And lo, I have learned recently it's not about 'feelings' or anything like that. It is really about faith and grace.

God uses the scriptures on me a lot. When I read it there are just some princepals that stick like glue. But, God uses everyday logic to help me move forward- and sometimes, everyday illogic. On monday, I was not getting out of bed. I was feeling misrable. My allergies had attacked me in the night, and my concionce was riddled with regret and what would basically consitute 'false guilt'. I laid there with my arms around my tiger.. just crying. I couldn't take it anymore. There wasn't way I could bare to do anything other than wallow in my selfish guilt. It was 7:50, and I had 70 minutes to get to class. I had been laying there for hours, because the washing machine for some unknown reason to me was going PSYCHO at 530! Somehow though, without even realizing it, I moved. I don't remeber getting up, getting dressed and brushing my teeth, but somehow I was in the kitchen, anf the time was 7:55. I was still feeling misrable, but... the lack of explaination got me curious as to how I got there. For many minutes I pondered, but I had to get in the car with my mom. I don't remember asking her for a ride, and I don't remember remembering at the time, all I remember was not remembering remembering. I got to school and managed to plow through the day, and seeing William and Stephanie G in my Astronomy class lightened my day significantly.

The thing I got out of this, thanks to my... shall we say, "unique" train of thought was that Life doesn't stop for your feelings, and God's feelingare always there. Nothing stops God's work, and I can't even stop because apperently, I can't even control getting ready for school. What makes me think I can control the outcome of my life or situation? Nothing but some deep dark nature that is inherint in my upbringing and sinful genetics. If I am going to heal or whatever, it isn't in my control, it's in God's, and that why I must have faith. Even if it is monday morning.

It's hard to tell how well you're actually doing on the inside. We are blind to what kind of effect we have on other people. On Saturday, in the light rail, there was an old lady and her grandson sitting infront of me.

The grandmother was very mean to her grand child. She was telling him he was stupid, she would eve smack him. I couldn't stand it. But, I sometimes will treat my siblings in the same manner. I'll yell at them or call them names or things they aren't. Is that something that I'm blind too?

Can you see your forehead? No. You need a mirror. Our sins can be like our foreheads, they're invisable to us unless we see their reflections. If you were to watch yourself on TV, would you like it much? Unless you are into raunchy reality TV with a bunch of jerks, you won't like it. You jerk.

We have flaws that we cannot perceive from the inside, and some that others cannot perceive from the outside. But which is more dangerous?

"There a few, distinct cases where the ones others cannot see are more dangerous, mainly because the head count will be higher" Pastor Cloude Long, my grandpa

Sorry Grandpa. Thats not the case. The ones you don't see constantly effect people, you just don't know about it. It's like global warming.

Peace.

I thought for a moment,
and then I stopped.
It was all too much to remember
I wanted it to go, to flee
but they stayed, they stayed and they flayed
like burn marks in my memory banks
you will stay until all the pain is washed away

Trust isn't a problem, it's love that haunts me
Where can I put it all? all the love? none of the love?
It all makes no sense to me.
I never loved you. Not in my world,
but in the real world, there are no dice
you did not 3d6 your choices
you took your sword and soiled your mind
you soiled my baby, and you took my world
With all the power you had, you left none of it to yourslef
you just ripped m heart open, and now I'll never know
if this was real

I went on a Retreat with my Church's Teen Ministers team this last weekend. It was really great. Not just because of the edification, the isolation from the sinful ideas of the world, and the fellowship. I learned a lesson.

I begun to gossip at about 2am on Sunday morning. I wasn't even aware. I always gossip about myself inorder to give a message or get an impression across (particularly young freshman). Re counting my... exploits gives me perspective on just how ridiculus all that nonsense was. I've made big, stupid mistakes. And after bragging about them (lol) I find it easier to free myself from the burden. Then, telling others about my mistakes and telling them what I learned from them is edifying and what not. However, I started gossiping about someone else. I was shut down very quickly, and I am thankful that I was shot down. I was about to cause what many of lie to call "decent"- and Not the video game that I'd whoop my dad's butt at!

Gossip is when you tell someone about something they aren't involved in which concerns a specific personal issue of another person. It's like poison in the way it works. Gossip makes things into lies as well, because of preconceptions and what not no one can know what happens unless they've been there or know from first hand.
I decided to find as many verses concerning this issue as possible:

LEV 19:16  "'Do not go about spreading slander among your people. "'Do not
do anything that endangers your neighbor's life. I am the LORD.

PSA 34:13  keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.

101:5  Whoever slanders his neighbor in secret, him will I put to silence;
whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart, him will I not endure.

PRO 6:19  a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up
dissension among brothers.

10:18  He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads
slander is a fool.

11:9  With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through
knowledge the righteous escape.

13  A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.

16:28  A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close
friends.

17:9  He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the
matter separates close friends.

18:8  The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a
man's inmost parts.

20:19  A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.

26:20  Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.

ECC 10:11  If a snake bites before it is charmed, there is no profit for
the charmer.

MAT 12:36  But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of
judgment for every careless word they have spoken.

EPH 4:29  Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only
what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it
may benefit those who listen.

31  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along
with every form of malice.

2TH 3:11  We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are
busybodies.

1TI 3:11  In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect,
not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.

5:13  Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from
house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and
busybodies, saying things they ought not to.

TIT 2:3  Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they
live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is
good.

3:1  Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be
obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good,

2  to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true
humility toward all men.

JAM 4:11  Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against
his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you
judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.

1PE 2:1  Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy,
envy, and slander of every kind.

3:10  For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue
from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.

Peace yall
Drew