I am not going to be on the computer for awhile.

Call me and I will explain.


-love yall
Drew

When I first heard this song by Dredg, it was hard to keep my tears from just falling.

I wonder while I'm running around again
I took my chances
I may have lost my best friend
Yeah I wonder
Like sprinting on a frozen pond..I took my chances
I may have lost my best friend

A couple of drinks mid-day mid-day mid-day
Haven't felt this way this way since yesterday
A couple of drinks I sway I sway I sway
Haven't felt this way since yesterday


He was the best friend I ever had. Hands down. 2 years of getting into more touble then we could imagine, and then 2 years of pushing him towards God with all my strength. It took me so long, but I think that I finally started mourning. I had the best possible friendship I could have with a non-believer. It was edifying for me, it was productive for him. It gave me meaning, it gave me strength, and it gave me some stories that I will be telling for the rest of my life. Good stories.

Today, the Probation Officer called. She's a very nice woman. She told me that Avery's court date was tomarrow... It's all over now. He's getting sentenced, and I'll never have to deal with it. She told me to relay a message. Avery's little sister, Rose, misses Mariana, my little sister. They never seemed to like eachother, they were always fighting, but Rose did not have many other friends (she was the biggest pain a girl could be). I don't think Avery had a better friend then me, in fact, I know he didn't. He didn't have any friends other than Ben and Ally until he was 8. There was a time when Avery and I were inseperable. He Helped me Help Geoff build cabinets. I still have red stains on that shirt from the paint.

He must miss me. I feel so bad. I feel like I abandoned him. All he has now are his Magic cards, his D&D books, his stupid hair, that hat we bought for 5 pesos, and his memories. And what did I do? I sent his mother an email, I threatened her and said some awful things that I don't think I've said in a long time.

I felt like it was all that I could say. It isn't. The day after I send this letter, I miss him, more than before. I don't just miss having a best friend, I miss HIM. I miss his smell, the hole in his front tooth, and that freaking hat. And I care for him. Still. I want more than anything for things to be the way they were (without the molesting part) between him and I. And the fact is that that will never happen. Even if we become friends again, or meet, it will not be the same. It will be different. I hate that. I just want to kick chickens with my best friend, I want to make up details to some ridiculus tale, and have him remind me it was even more ridiculus than I had said it was, I want to play Magic: The Gathering beside the fire again. He's a creative, funny, smart and imaginative scoundral, and I will never spend another minute with him again. I hope I can find it in my heart to forgive him someday.

Last Night,

I had a dream that Avery was back, and all was well. Everyone had forgiven him. He has accepted Jesus Christ, and so had his mom and sister. He came to church to tell everyone. It was a weird happy feeling.

I turned my head to my Bible, and it became a Sword. I struck Avery down with it.

This dream was much easier for me to interpret then the other ones. I thought and prayed about it... it showed me that I have no forgiveness for him, at all. Even if all else was well, I would still be unsettled. I'm not sure what to do. Has it been long enough for me to heal? Is it normal for someone to go so long, and even with all the guidance I've had, to still be angry as I was a month ago? I know that God has a light at the end of the darkness... maybe I'm not doing something that i should be.

I thought I was over it. I fooled myself into thinking I was, just so I could move on. Now I'm dwelling again.

-Peace

I was thinking the otherday...

At survival camp, I payed my friend Josh a compliment. I told him that I thought he was hot, 'cause frankly... he's really hot. He said "Thank you," the proper response to a compliment.

It immeadiatley came to mind that he had nothing to do with the fact that he was hot. He didn't make himself hot. He looked good the whole week without taking a shower or anything. God made him hot, so why does he take responsibility for it?

It seems to be a hypocricy in our world.

What's the nice way of telling someone they're ugly?
*You're the way God made you!
But when it comes to good looks, we take the compliment.

Good looks have nothing to do with the person. Its simply a shallow perception.

A friend of mine, Theodore, is doing a film for MGM.
The film is about attraction. It's a documentary on a study that his friend did.
2 teams of 100 random people were dressed in white. they were each given a number on their shirt. Each person was told to remember 5 numbers. Then, they were each called by all other test subjects over a period of 7 days. Each person tried to converse, and was asked to write down the names of the persons they had the longest conversations with. 100% of the conversations matched the numbers.

Don't let looks deceive you,
-Drew

Everyone treats survival camp as though it's a place in which everything is infualable (like my spelling). My experiance has always been that while I get high on Jesus and Opaot, there are a good 20 kids who aren't. There was this one girl last year... let me just make it very clear, I didn't break the PDA rule willingly. It just shows that God is the only thing that is perfect.

This year there was a kid that scares me a little bit. He's a lot like I was when I was his age or younger, but I feel like I can reach out to him so much. At camp he was a bit reckless, and did some very crazy things- just to get attention. He saw that I do some pretty silly things, just as a way of expressing myself. I do what comes naturally, and doesn't hurt anyone, to give my mind rest. It's how I play drums and percussion. I'll do what comes naturally, and doesn't hurt the music (at least in my mind), then I'll play it. There's something inside that I just have to let out, a beast, a wild stallion, and the only way that I can tame it is to make it glorifying to God. That's a hard thing to understand, esspecially for someone who isn't clear on whether or no they have a beast.

When I ever I see someone with an inequity I struggle with, I gravitate towards them. Whether it be musical, political, or even spiritual. MAny psychologists believe that having close friendships are based on this. There is one higher partner, and one lower partner in many friendships. Like, Evan, in our friendship, is spiritually very straight forward in his life, something that I struggle with not being able to do sometimes. I look up to that quality in people. With Isaac, he's almost completley out of his mind, something I struggle with, so I gravotate towards him.

I have a new obsticle, however. If I were to find someone I related too, but the quality is one such of intollerability, where do I go? Normally, it takes a lot for someone to get on my nerves. In fact, I can think of only a few times where I was in the right and someone pissed me off. If you hurt me, I'll let it go, but if you hurt my family, I'll get upset. Of you annoy me, thats okay, if you annoy my friends, I get angry.

I'd like to illude to a now I feel resolved and closed issue. I felt a certain way about a person for almost 2 years, and as it turned out, many other people felt exactly the same way, if not more angry. That's when I was truely aggrivated. When he hurt my friends.

If someone was haunting me, following me, asking about me, I probably wouldn't care as much as most people, I'm pretty open most of the time, sometimnes I can be pretty protective, but I'm working on it. If someone asks about a friend of mine, esspecially a loaded question like 'Whats her waist size?' or 'Is she a slut?' then I'm pretty much lost for words. I don't know what to do. If someone jokes about something inappropriate, I might not be offended, and depending, it might even be funny. But if someone is shouting the pianist joke at the top of their lungs, I'll have a problem.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm challenged by people who hurt my friends, so don't do it!

I've found a person whose probably going to be the biggest challenge I've had in a while. He's so much like me, and yet the opposite. All I can do is be Godly for him. Starting to sound familiar...

Love y'all,
Drew

My cousin accepted Christ. It's totally awesome.

My whole life revolved around Avery. I wanted him to be a christian so bad. I prayed for hours everynight. He was my life. Everything I did was so I could see him, and spend time with him. I sacraficed friendships and relationships for him. Even my main man Andrew Keuer took some heat.

But now, God has shown me that my cousin is who I will get to lead in my life. And heck, he might even lead me somehow.

I've never been closer to anyone. He and I have for the most part been as tight as possible.And now, there is so much more that he can know... It's so incredible. He jumped in to my crazy batch of friends, and shaBAHM. He's the most popular guy. I am so proud of him.

I was going to say it tonight, but I had to leave. So I'll say it now.

I want Michael to grow in the lord our God. That will be my focus, and not for Michael's sake. For God's.

Well,

Survival Camp is once again, God's greatest Tool at FBCLA.

I have never felt more alive. I am soaring. I'm on one of those 'God Highs' that James and I talk about. But this time instead of it being a bump in the road, it's a starting point. It's a jump to height I will never come down from.

I've been through a lot more than I can handle recently. More than I've been through. More than the violence and sex, and more than the crap that I was going through before I came under Christ.
And God healed me with Survival Camp. I've started doing things that were sinful and wrong since Avery and I stopped being friends. Cussing, dirty jokes, etc... I'm not sure why I've been doing it, those were the things that I had to endure when Avery and were friends, I never liked those qualities about him. I despised them, but not him... I guess some psychological bable could say I was role swapping, but I'm not going to make excuses for myself.


Any way friends, I'm moving on. Yay. Thanks for being so supportive, etc.